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Tuesday, April 7, 2015

DON'T ANNOY THE NEWLYWEDS

So, it seems like the super annoying and intrusive questions and comments don't end with engagement.  As a result, I've composed a list of questions and or statements with the help of my friends Almesha and Cassandra.  Let the shade begin!
  1. "When are you going to have kids?"  Excuse me?  How about when are you going to mind your business? 
  2. "Who does all the cooking?" It's not 1922 and there are no housewives in my household so we share the responsibilities. Plus, I work full time and am a FULL TIME STUDENT which must not be important to many people.  After all, being married is a woman's greatest accomplishment -_-
  3. "Why do you need to keep your last name?"  Once again, this is not 1922.  No one knows this new Ashlee so I'm keeping my last name and adding his. 
  4. "You have a husband now, talk to him." NO MOM...I want to talk to you! #mommypleasebemybestfriend
  5. "Did you ask your husband?"  I'm sorry, I thought I was an adult and 10 times out of 10, he probably knows but to seek permission?  Bye Felicia.  
  6. "Do you believe in "for better" or "for worse?"  -_-
  7. *insert advice that I didn't ask you for here*  I went to marriage counseling for a reason.  To get advice from an expert... #thanksnothanks
  8. "Do you guys sleep in the same bed?"  I'm not even going to address this one... 
  9. "Did you merge bank accounts?"  Why?  Are you depositing money? No?  Well, kick rocks. 
  10. "Where will you be spending the holidays?"  Nowhere, we hate everyone -_- 
So, the next time you run across an engaged couple or newlyweds, try saying..."congrats."  That's it. And remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, shut your freaking pie hole don't say anything at all.  I'm looking forward to what this list will look like in 5 to 10 years.  Hopefully my resting bitch face and unapproachable aura will make people think twice about approaching me about my personal business...

Good luck to all my engaged couples, newlyweds, and married folks in the struggle.
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